Melissa's Journal

The Award Goes To...

2010-03-10T09:48:00.001-08:00

Welcome to the Melissa's Journal, I Just Don't Get It post. This is my current list of pet peeves, moments of frustration, and downright annoyances. I've decided to model this year's post after the Academy Awards, which were broadcast last Sunday. No, I didn't watch the telecast, but being that the only thing that changes each year are the nominees- with the exception of Meryl Streep- I can imagine exactly what happened; from the monologue, to the tearful speeches, to the orchestra music to end the speeches, to the dresses I will never be able to afford and have no place to wear.

And the Award goes to...

Most Annoying Celebrity: This year's award is special in that it is going to an entire family, rather than my usual picks of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or Denise Richards. This year I choose, the entire Kardashian Family. Honestly, why are they famous? The only one who should truly be famous is Bruce Jenner, for his Olympic success, not for being step dad to an insipid group of narcissistic women.

Most Annoying Television: Reality TV...all of it. Yes, I know there are a lot of you who like Reality TV. I, however, do not. I refuse to watch TV that makes people be judged and voted off. The only time a person should be judged is when they are on trial, or part of my annual blog.

Most Annoying Athlete: I know you're thinking I'm going to pick Tiger Woods here. Yes, he's had a bad year and has made some awful choices, but I'm going to, rather, choose a man who I thought would never make this list, Michael Jordan. I was a huge Michael Jordan fan, at one time- in fact, my room was decorated with a mixture of Michael Jordan and Jon Bon Jovi posters, no joke. However, I was truly disappointed while watching his Hall of Fame speech. It was a disservice to anyone who has believed him to be a role model.

Most Annoying Politician: Well, in a year when there's been a lot of talk of change and health care reform and "you betchas," politicians are easy to find annoying. My choice for this year is, John Edwards. His cheating and lying and covering up are a disgrace to families everywhere. My hope is that Elizabeth Edwards will continue fighting her cancer and live a happy life with a man who treats her the way she deserves to be treated.

Most Annoying Celebrity Couple: Jon and Kate Gosselin. No, they are not what I consider a celebrity couple, like Brad and Angelina, but they are in the public eye. My advice...keep your kids' lives private and let them grow up without a camera following them around. Don't air your divorce on tabloid TV and for Heaven's sake, Jon, act like the father of eight. Did you never watch Dick Van Patten on "Eight is Enough?" I don't remember seeing him on a Boat Cruise with a dying-to-be-famous twenty-year-old.

Most Annoying Know-It-All: Again, a toss-up. I'm going to go first, with Oprah, because she is the, all powerful ruler of everything, who never allows her guest to completely answer any of the questions she asks them. Secondly, the radio talk show host, Delilah, who knows what every one's problems are, and how to counsel them, without ever meeting face-to-face. I do, however, think they are both entertaining and I fully hope they will continue guiding us all on their enlightened path.

Most Overrated Phenomenon: The Twilight Series. Yep, I've read the books, I've seen the movies, I've marveled at the multiple displays at every single store I shop at. I also want to point out that looking up to a girl who is willing to give up her life for a guy is not really that great of an idea, and that being in love with a person who admits he wants to drink your blood is kind of like standing on the verge of domestic violence. I also find it amusing when I see middle aged women walking around in "I Heart Edward" tee-shirts.

In Memoriam Segment..........
I'm going to take a brief break to say that this year has been one of extreme loss for my family. We lost my uncle, Pat, and grandpa within two weeks of one another. I love them both and will miss them forever. My condolences also go out to anyone who is grieving the loss of someone in their lives. Please know that my thoughts are with you.

I further want to recognize Farrah Fawcett, because if I don't, Ryan O'Neal and half of Hollywood will be pissed at me.

Personal Grievance Awards.....

Most Annoying Dog Walkers: This is a repeat award and one I must address again. If you are walking your dog, clean up their mess! I often find dog crap in my yard, or on the sidewalk in front of it, and further, I don't think my children should have to dodge it while running to the park. Seriously, it was funny in, I Love You Man, but in the real world, it isn't.

Most Annoying Parenting Moment: When I've finally finished cleaning up the dinner dishes and one or more of my children comes and asks me for a snack. "You just ate," I say. "But I'm hungry," They whine. Also, when I sit down to eat and everyone starts asking for seconds. I begin to feel like the mom in, A Christmas Story.

Annoying War Protesters: There is a time and a place for everything. Do Not Ever protest the war at a military funeral. It is cold hearted and disrespectful. No one wants to bury their Soldier, let them grieve in peace.

Thing That Really Ticks Me Off: Criminals on the Streets...another repeat winner. Most sex offenders should never be released from prison. Keep them there so society is safe. Don't release dangerous criminals...Four Lakewood Police Officers would still be alive today if a career criminal had been kept behind bars.

The Final Year-End Annoying Award Goes To: Homeowners Associations. If you've had one, you understand. If you've never dealt with one, count your blessings.

Thank you to all those who read my blog. I encourage you to leave a comment if you have something that really bothers you, because chances are, it bothers other people too. As you all know, I'm not a confrontational person and these opinions are not meant to irritate anyone, they are my opinions alone. Have a great year and please, remember to use your turn signal and don't speed in school zones or down my street.

What If...

2010-03-05T08:41:00.000-08:00

The only television show that my husband and I watch together each week is, Lost. The producers tell us that this is the final season and all answers will be revealed. Following Tuesday night's episode, and after checking on our kids and climbing into bed, I turned to Chris and said, "I still have no idea what's going on...do you?" His answer, "There's about ten episodes left, we'll get it in the end." But will I? Seriously...I'm beginning to doubt myself and the producers on their all-will-be-answered promises. From what I gather, the Losties are currently living two parallel lives- both on the island and off. The off is a look at the "what ifs"...the how would life have turned out if we'd never crashed on the island, in the first place. Yes, I'm still confused, yet it has also gotten me thinking about the what ifs in my own life.

Sure, we all have, what ifs. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I'd made different choices, if those I love would have stayed together, if loved ones didn't pass away. Many of these things we have no control over, but for the ones we do, for the choices we've made- would we choose differently now, if we had the opportunity, to go back? Would it matter if I'd have told the boy I had a crush on that I liked him, would I respond differently to the ex-boyfriend as he was breaking up with me, would I stand up to the girls who were ganging up on me? I think the most pertinent question is...would it even make a difference?

I've met wonderful people in my life, and many of these people would never have crossed my path, or been a part of my existence, if different choices were made. If I hadn't moved to Washington for college, I would not have met my husband and would therefore be giving up the three most important people in my life- my children. If my husband were not in the Army, we wouldn't have had to deal with deployments, but would our lives be the same? Yes, deployments are enormously challenging, but they've also given me confidence and empowerment and pride that I didn't know existed before I experienced them.

Although I've asked a lot of what ifs, over my lifetime, I don't know if it would make a difference to go back and change anything now. The past experiences that I've gone through have made me who I am today. Yes, I've made mistakes. Yes, I regret these mistakes. I guess the real challenge is to move on and change those what ifs into an action to turn these past regrets into a promise to improve in the future...forgive those who've hurt you, love those who might not be with you forever, check in on someone who needs a person to talk to, and always tell those you love how much you love them before saying goodbye, so they never have to wonder what if...

What A Weekend

2010-02-22T12:38:00.000-08:00

Friday evening, my sisters and I took Seattle by storm...well, not so much, but we'd like to think otherwise. Yes, Friday night was the Bon Jovi concert we'd spent months (actually years) anticipating. For my sister, Kristin and I, it was our second Bon Jovi concert. For Erin and Hannah, it was their first. Obviously, the band didn't disappoint. They are amazing performers and still my favorite rock band and the only that would leave me feeling letdown after it was all over. Not because they weren't what I'd expected, but rather, because they were better. I feel sad because it's over, in the same way my children feel after Santa comes and they realize it's going to be another long year before he returns.

Sunday night, I finish reading Jane Austen's, Mansfield Park. My New Year's resolution this year was to read all of Jane Austen's novels, in order of publication. Therefore, I began with Sense and Sensibility, followed by Pride and Prejudice, and lastly, Mansfield Park. Initially, the writing confused me; for example, I'm accustomed to characters being referred to by their first names, rather than Mr. or Mrs. I really get tripped up when a couple of characters are being called Mrs. Rushworth. These novels have taken me longer to read than others written in the 21st century, but they are quite entertaining and I'd recommend anyone looking to read well written literature to give Jane Austen a try. I will definitely be writing more on Jane Austen as I complete my resolution.

This morning, as I was thinking about my weekend, I reflected on these different forms of entertainment...how they've both peaked my interest. How do you compare Bon Jovi to Jane Austen? Yes, I grew up when Bon Jovi was at their peak, and have followed them as a fan for over twenty years; yet, Jane Austen's characters appeal to me so much that I can envision them- truly caring for some and despising others.

*Bon Jovi was an average rock band before 1985...before the album, Slippery When Wet, was released. Before you could purchase a pair of stone washed jeans and feather your bangs, they went from semi-famous, to one of the hottest bands around. Jane Austen, on the other hand, published her first novel, Sense and Sensibility, under the name, A Lady.

*Bon Jovi can entertain a crowd for two hours straight and then leave them screaming for an encore. Jane Austen wrote her first books, to entertain her family. It wasn't until her family received them so well, that she pursued publication. In fact, several years passed between when Sense and Sensibility was written and published, and the name was originally titled, Elinor and Marianne, and was written as a series of letters.

*Mansfield Park studies the theater and it's negative effects. It also talks about classicism and how people who are born, or raised, in privilege are more well bred then those with less education and training. Bon Jovi doesn't take any chances on stage. They rock hard and they entertain. Fans range from the wealthy to the lower middle class, and they sit in the arena alongside one another. One of the songs from their recent album, The Circle, is titled "Working Man." It was written after the election of President Obama and for all those who work hard for a living; whether in a factory or a steel mill.

*Bon Jovi will travel all over the world during this two year tour. Traveling during Jane Austen's time, the eighteenth century, was not easy. People took horse drawn carriages, or traveled by post (with the mail.) They stayed long periods of time in the places they were visiting because travel was infrequent and difficult.

*Jane Austen is a beloved author of six completed novels. She died at a young age and before she could complete what would have been her seventh novel, Sandition. Her final published novels, Northanger Abbey and Persuasion, were published following her death, by her brother. Multiple film adaptations and literary works have been made from her novels. Bon Jovi has sold over 120 million albums worldwide. They have performed for over twenty six years and still have an amazing fan base and following. With any luck, they will keep rocking for many years to come.

Perhaps, I'm the only person in history to compare Bon Jovi to Jane Austen. As a true 80's girl, all I can say is that they are both...totally awesome.

Fan Club President

2010-02-12T19:20:00.000-08:00

As I ran onto the basketball court before my first Varsity game, I felt a bundle of nerves, mixed with adrenaline, well up inside of my chest. I’d worked hard, for many years, to finally be able to wear the signature warm-ups of the Varsity team. Memories swirled through my head, in tempo with the rhythm of the pep band—late afternoon free-throw shooting at the neighborhood park, morning runs to build my endurance, and pick-up basketball games around a metal hoop with my dad and younger brother.

My brother had no finesse on the basketball court, and his primary accomplishment was perhaps the number of jammed fingers he’d given me over the years. My dad was a direct descendant of the coaching-school-of-tough-love, truly believing that no foul was ever committed unless blood was drawn. Yet, as I ran onto that basketball court, with my ponytailed hair and number fourteen jersey, I knew undoubtedly that my dad would be in the bleachers cheering for me. I did not anticipate, however, that he would be cheering during the warm-ups. As my team circled the court and began doing lay-up drills, I had to motion to my dad to come to the edge of the court, at which point I shouted over the music, “Dad, you’re not supposed to cheer during warm-ups, okay? Can you please wait for the game to start?”

My dad was twenty-one-years old when I was born, after marrying my mom directly out of high school, and entering the work force, as a baker. I’ve heard some speak of their fathers as though they are enigmas they barely knew—men, who worked all day to provide for their families, yet didn’t speak a lot about themselves, while their children respected them from a distance. Yes, my dad was like a lot of fathers who retired in front of the television each night after a long day of work, and whose primary goal in life was to provide for his family. Aside from that, my dad was the exact opposite of reserved. There was not one shy bone in his body, not one ounce of ability to keep his feelings hidden from his kids. He was part historian, part philosopher, part outgoing salesman—trapped inside the body of a baker.

My dad had multiple ideas and theories, along with a mountain of historical facts which consumed his thoughts on both long road trips and short jaunts across town. As my brother, sisters, and I zoned out on his reenactment of the Lewis and Clark Expedition toward the Pacific Ocean, our dad continued teaching us, in his animated way. It didn’t register that we were barely interested, or that our eyes had begun to float toward the back of our heads—he knew that either osmosis or some other life form was helping us to absorb what he lectured. My dad could’ve written a textbook on how to handle sullen teenagers. At a stage of development where a lot of parents began to obsess over receiving silent and stoic behavior, he ignored it and continued to educate us in the only way he knew how—by persistence.

Of all of the things I learned from my dad, a handful stand out. His most common phrase when I was an adolescent was, “boys will ruin your legs.” To this day, I’m not really sure what he meant by that. Perhaps it was to instill fear in me that by becoming involved with a member of the opposite sex, I would in fact, forfeit muscle tone. Further, he was adamantly opposed to me dating upperclassmen. He gravely told me that older boys only wanted one thing, and it wasn’t help with homework. What that translated to was that if I brought one of these scary older guys to our house, they would certainly get a personal tour of his gun collection. Shopping for dresses was always a fun experience with my dad. Anytime he pointed out a dress to me I would make a mental note that it wasn’t the right one. His saying, “this would look great on you,” actually meant, “not one ounce of your flesh will be seen through this dress which is the fabric equivalent of a couch cover.”

My dad knew we were lying by looking at the bottom of our tongues for the presence of blue lines. We’d no idea that those were actually veins which were always present—in our minds, he was a genius capable of espionage. Whenever he suggested going out for a family adventure, we knew we’d be taking a load of garbage, to the dump. If Dad talked about driving to the perfect picnic location, we could pretty much count on the fact that we would spend three hours in the car looking for this magical place before he settled on a different one. For my dad, it was never about the destination—he enjoyed the journey, because that meant time together in the car.

Dad was the master of home projects, and would rather spend every available moment he had working around the house, rather than hiring contractors, to do it. In his pursuit of home makeovers, he was an equal opportunity employer, which meant he hired—free of charge—his children. There was no such thing as “man’s work” or “woman’s work”—we were all created equal and capable of helping out with painting projects, laying out shingles as he roofed the house, and holding of the flashlight, while at the same time, staying out of his light.

Yes, I knew my dad would be out there cheering for my first Varsity basketball game, as he had been for every other game I’d played in. Although I hadn’t anticipated him to be cheering so loudly during our organized warm-up routine, I wasn’t surprised to see it. Dad was my ever present fan club president; the man who wore my picture button proudly on his winter coat, who still carried my tattered first grade photo in his wallet to show co-workers, and who never forgot to say I love you, before leaving for work in the morning. He was the dad who followed our winning basketball season all the way to the State Championship, and who was there with tears in his eyes, following the game. Although I wasn’t the star of the team, he was proud of me; and if I would have challenged his pride, I wouldn’t have seen any blue lines beneath his tongue, because it was the truth. As the basketball nets were being cut down by our team captains and the championship trophy carried by our coach, I ran to the edge of the bleachers and hugged my dad—who was, of course—still cheering.

Dad's Medical Update- February 12- 4:00 p.m.

2010-02-12T16:18:00.000-08:00

I just received good news from Billings. My Dad's heart is able to be treated with medication, therefore surgery is not necessary, at this time. This is such a relief as one of Dad's greatest fears is to undergo open heart surgery again. He will probably be in the hospital until Sunday, so if anything changes, I'll keep you posted.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. It's amazing how much easier life is when you have a strong support system. I appreciate each of you and am hoping for a speedy recovery for Dad.

Dad's Medical Update- February 12- 10:00 a.m.

2010-02-12T09:34:00.000-08:00

In order to keep family and friends informed about my Dad's health, I thought if would be beneficial to post updates to my blog. I want to start off by saying that I really appreciate all of your prayers and thoughts, they seem to be working. Yesterday, when Dad was admitted to the hospital, I spoke with him and he was really out of it. He was on a nitroglycerin patch, which gives him a terrible headache. To combat the headache, they gave him narcotics, which make him nauseous. When we spoke in the morning, he was drugged, sore, and emotional. By 7:00 p.m., he was more alert and no longer on the nitro or narcotics. This morning, he was talkative and watching the History Channel and reading the newspaper. A good sign...

I'll start by telling you some of my dad's history. In 1993, my dad had open heart surgery, at the age of 41. He had several blockages, one of which was at 90%. He was in the hospital for four nights, following his surgery, and then went home to recuperate. Since his surgery, he's been hospitalized several times for "maintenance." There is one artery in particular that I'm aware of, which keeps collapsing. He's had multiple stents inserted to keep it open.

On Wednesday night Dad began having chest pains, so his girlfriend, Julie, took him to the emergency room. I've been told he didn't do well on a stress test, but his blood work came out okay. He is scheduled for tests today so that they can see exactly what is going on. The cardiologist needs to see what the extent of damage is to that one artery in particular. With a build-up of scar tissue and multiple stents, it might be necessary to perform another open heart surgery to repair the damage.

So that's where we are this morning. We are essentially waiting for word. I spoke with Dad and Julie, just an hour ago, and have been assured I will hear from them as soon as his test. In the event that Dad has to have open heart surgery again, I will be flying out to Billings. I'll keep you all updated...

When Bad Things Happen To Good People

2010-02-07T14:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Chris and I attended the Memorial Service of a woman we didn't personally know, but who touched the lives of many. Her name was Deana Weitzel, and she was a wife, mom, sister, daughter, co-worker, and friend. Her husband, Mike, was deployed with Chris to Iraq, just last year, and he came home at the same time as Chris, in early August. After his return, Mike and Deana went on a vacation to Paris. When they returned she went to her doctor because she wasn't feeling well and was diagnosed with Acute Leukemia. She endured chemotherapy and tried some experimental treatments, and from what I've heard, she was responding to these treatments well. Just a few months after her diagnosis, she passed away, leaving her husband and two children, a daughter and son.

Yesterday, I was reminded of how fragile life is and how quickly the people we dearly love can be taken from us. This was the third funeral I've attended in the past six months, and the second for a 44-year-old who died of cancer, the first being, my Uncle Pat. As I sat in the Church listening to loved ones and friends reminisce about this wonderful woman, Deana, I found myself deeply touched. I thought about my own children and how hard it would be for me to leave them. I remembered how much I yearned for my husband to return from deployment and contemplated how challenging it would be to face a diagnosis, such as cancer, just when I was rejoicing his homecoming.

Last night I fell asleep knowing that I need to make more of an effort to tell my loved ones how much I truly love them, to call my friends more often to let them know that I'm thinking of them, to pray for those who are suffering and continue to pray for them when they are well, to enjoy the moments in life when I am able to spend time with my husband and children.

I pray for the entire Weitzel family. It is my hope that one day, when I leave this world, I will have left an imprint on the lives of others, as Deana obviously did. She was a shining star, who lit up many lives, and who will continue to do so from Heaven.

My Week In Review

2010-02-03T10:03:00.001-08:00

I haven't blogged much lately, basically because I've started writing a second novel and when I'm concentrating on a new project, it consumes me. I have a goal to write for a solid 2-3 hours a day, some days I actually reach it. What I do know is that when writing, I am a happier person. I will continue to work on selling my first novel, a process which can take years. I will also continue to research literary agents and follow their blogs. I have learned so much in this business, more than I knew even a few short months ago, yet I realize there is still much to learn. I will continue to blog, perhaps not as frequently. Therefore, here is a recap of the last week of my life.

*Allison turned three. What a wonderful child she is and I am so truly blessed. Granted, she still refuses to go the the YMCA nursery, but she is a champ at home when I'm working out. She has a difficult time falling asleep at night, and although I never quite know what to expect at bedtime, I always get to wake up to lots of hugs and kisses. She is finally potty trained during the day. We celebrated her birthday with a Dora the Explorer party which several of Chris' family members were able to attend. Oh, and she loves to color...all day long.

*Our furnace broke. Obviously this happened the morning of Allison's birthday party because whenever you've invited people over for dinner, a crisis is bound to occur. We lucked out though, with warmer than average January temperatures, so by using our gas fireplace, it didn't get too unbearably cold in the house. After receiving two estimates, we chose a new furnace and had it installed yesterday. Yes, we are a bit poorer, but at least we're warm.

*Chris and I watched the premiere of Lost last night. I wish I could give you some insight as to what questions were answered, but I'm still trying to figure that out myself. I will say that Terry O'Quinn is an amazing actor, and his portrayal of dual roles is quite impressive.

*Madison officially dropped out of Choir because she just feels too overwhelmed. The plus side- that frees up one hour of our week. The downside- I really enjoyed watching her sing in Choir.

*Peyton received his First Reconciliation and participated in his first Cub Scout Pinewood Derby. I was enormously proud of him for both. What was really special was being able to watch him and Chris build the Derby car together.

*Chris has been working many many hours. He is home for dinner each night, but typically is on the computer working until going to bed. I do love having him home though, I still find it hard to believe that at this time last year, he was in Iraq.

*I joined my Church's Relay For Life team in what will be my third year participating. After losing my uncle to cancer this past summer this Relay is more poignant for me. Chris and I will also be attending the funeral of a lady this Saturday, who died of leukemia last week, just five months after her diagnosis and six months after her husband returned from Iraq. I will continue to raise money in an effort to wipe out this insidious disease.

*I was contacted by Chicken Soup for the Soul for a story I wrote a couple of months ago. They want to publish it in Chicken Soup for the Runner's Soul. I am honored and excited, and since I've been running my entire life, it's even more special. I think it will be released in July, so stay tuned...

Anyway, that's my week in a nutshell. Until next time...

Motivation...Or Lack Of

2010-01-25T15:59:00.000-08:00

I wasn't much in the writing mood today and definitely not in the mood to research agents and send out query letters. Until right this very moment, I haven't felt much like blogging. I checked out a website that I occasionally write for and discovered some nasty comments about my last article were in fact posted. The odd, yet funny thing is, they aren't comments about the article itself, the concept, or the writing...they are rather, insignificant musings about the religion which I was writing about. Believe me, the men (as all of the names would lead me to believe) are really disgruntled about past experiences in the Church and they choose to squash any progress or information, because of it. Whatever...that's their issue, not mine.

I sit here on my couch with my laptop listening to a fierce game of hide-and-go-seek going on upstairs. Maddie and Peyton have completed their homework, the house is clean, dinner has been planned but not made, and Ally is currently wearing a pair of sunglasses in order to look like her older sister (who wears glasses). Our furnace is on the fritz, my husband is among the missing, and I promised to take M & P to their school skate night. I will not be skating having just recovered from a knee injury, but they'll have a good time.

I'm not really feeling sorry for myself, just rather lethargic, as the day goes on. Perhaps tomorrow I'll be more inspired and will once again type out a couple thousand words in the novel I'm currently writing, or I'll finish my entry for the PNWA writing contest. Maybe I'll do some more query research, or continue thickening my skin for rejections and negative reviews. Either way, tomorrow will be a new day and hopeful more inspiring.

I've added a follower gadget. If you read this blog, please think about becoming an official follower. I promise not to stalk you or ask for surveys, or other time consuming assistance. Hopefully in time, my husband won't be the only one who reads my work.

Have a great day, and even to the disgruntled Catholics, peace be with you.

Mommyhood

2010-01-19T13:47:00.000-08:00

2009 brought many things to our family, including four babies on my husband's side. Just this past Sunday, we got a serious baby fix when almost all of these babies were together and we literally had the opportunity to pass them around and cuddle with them. As I'm approaching the third birthday of my youngest, I find myself reminiscing about parenthood...what I thought it was going to be like....versus what it actually is.

I had a lot of notions when I was pregnant with my first. My ideas of starting a family went beyond the perfect crib, cute clothing, and most safe car seat. I truly believed that at night when I laid her down in her cradle, she would sleep soundly until it was time to nurse her again. I reasoned that nursing would be easy- after all, women have been doing it for centuries and what could be easier than feeding an infant warm milk from your own body? I figured, with support from my husband, our perfect child would instantly mold her routine into ours...that which we were accustomed to.

Then I gave birth and realized how wrong I'd been. Honestly, I knew parenthood would be an adjustment, as I'd heard for years, "parenting is the hardest job there is." Yet, what came after Madison's birth was such a shock that nine years later, I still haven't completely recovered. Of all of those plans and routines and rules I'd envisioned, I missed the one most important component...the baby. Until I had Madison, I didn't know what it was to be tired and at the same time awake enough to feed a child in the middle of the night after only two hours of sleep. I didn't understand what fussiness, or tummy aches, or teething pain could do to a baby- and how loud their cry would sound at 3:00am. I didn't know the fear of a first high fever, or the anxiety of leaving her with a babysitter, or the insurmountable love I would feel whenever she smiled at me.

Slowly the insecurities and exhaustion washed away, and we welcomed Peyton and Allison. I learned first hand that no two children are alike. Everything which worked for Madison didn't work for Peyton or Ally. My three children are no more alike than different fingerprints. With each of them, we were relearning how to cope, to struggle, to love them in the ways they needed us to. In fact, we are still learning how to be parents, every single day.

Until I became a mom, I didn't understand the sadness I would feel when my son lost his first school election, or the fear that would shoot through my system the first time Madison fell off of the high balance beam. I didn't realize the anxiety I would feel while standing in an emergency room with Allison coughing so hard, I thought her lungs might burst. Before having kids, I didn't realize that the more you read to them, the better readers they will become. I didn't know that it is entirely possible to be thrown up on by three different people in one night, or that I would look forward to hearing "hi Mommy," whenever I came home from the grocery store. I didn't know how frustrated I'd be seeing newly washed clothing thrown back into the laundry basket or how wonderful it is to get multiple hugs and kisses throughout the day.

Every day I learn something new as a parent. What worked yesterday in getting my toddler to eat her vegetables will certainly not work tomorrow. Likewise, no one will go to bed when I ask them to, or clean up their rooms without being told, and they will never request the same movie on Family Movie Night because that would make life too easy. And when it comes right down to it, parenthood is never easy, no matter how much we wish for it to be.

Forgiveness

2010-01-17T11:03:00.000-08:00

What is forgiveness?

According to my handy online Thesaurus...
1. Compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive.
2. The act of excusing a mistake or offense.

This would lead me to believe that in order to be forgiven or pardoned, one must have committed a mistake, an offense, a blatant error which hurt another. Yet, I question...is this always the case? Does the offender typically know when they are hurting another, or is the other possibly incapable of forgiveness, or perhaps fashioning a crime in their mind, so that they have a reason to be bitter and angry?

I know in my life, I have hurt other people. I haven't been there when I should have, I've forgotten to call when they needed me, I've said something which was taken the wrong way- or was a comment I shouldn't have said period. I've also been hurt by others. I've been left out, I've been lied to and put down, I've been gossiped about. At what point is it time to let go of these past transgressions and go on with life?

No one benefits from bitterness and grudge holding. No one lives a longer life by gossiping and defaming the reputation of the innocent. The inability to forgive, no matter the reason, will eat away at your soul until there is nothing left but a shell of the vibrant person you once were. Recruiting a following of fellow haters, for no other reason, than to form a camaraderie of animosity to feed off of perceived transgressions will do nothing but lower others to your level of empty gratification.

I also realize there are crimes which are often impossible to forgive- murder, molestation and rape, abuse, the list is long. I'll be honest in admitting, if someone hurt my child, I may never forgive them. Yet, I find inspiration in the mother who visits the drunk driver who killed her son in prison, the woman who turns a terrible sexual assault into a passion for educating college co-eds into the dangers of campus date rape, the family who chooses not to pursue wrongful death charges and rather advocates for causes to keep these occurrences from happening again.

My plea for today is this...
An end to a needless cycle of----
*hating another, just for the sake of hating
*refusing to forgive the innocent based on feelings of grief and bitterness
*choosing to follow a gossiper because it is easy to thrive off of controversies and look for blame.
I think if we could all do this, the world would be a better place...if nothing else, we'd all be a lot happier.

Why I Love Baby Blues

2010-01-14T12:26:00.000-08:00

I'll admit it, I'm a Baby Blues junkie. I'm being completely honest in saying the comic strip alone is the primary reason I buy the newspaper. Who wants to read about all of the depressing things happening in our society when I can absorb myself into the lives of Zoe, Hammie, and Wren? Three children with frazzled parents...sounds a lot like my own life. The strip this week has been about Zoe needing to do a school research project on an invention. She chose to report on the invention of...the rug. Sounds like something my kids would do.

Dreams and Loss

2010-01-11T11:29:00.000-08:00

I've always had really vivid dreams, some which make sense and others that are just bizarre. Last night- or more accurately- this morning, due to almost sleeping in, I had one that's still got me thinking.

From what I remember, I was living in a different house. That's not too weird since I often dream that my husband and I are moving. Usually, we sell our house and buy one that needs a lot of work. The new houses are never nice, extremely messy (one of them even had rotted food left in the kitchen for me to clean up), and always I'm panicking over why we sold our house for "this." Anyway, in this dream the house had a basement with three bedrooms and a large closet for my photo albums and books. Oh, and my dad lived there. He informed us that my brother was moving in too.

Before I had time to adjust to living with my dad and brother again, I was walking through a mall and saw a lot of people who I went to college with. I was talking to them about basketball and my writing. As I was leaving, toward a long hallway, I saw a former neighbor who played for the GU basketball team. He remembered me and as we were talking we walked toward a large fish tank. After passing the tank, I lost him among the crowd.

I then walked toward a door which was being held open and that's when I saw them...my grandma and grandpa. They were both standing in the doorway, essentially holding the door open for people. I wanted to reach them and talk to them. You see, my grandpa passed away five months ago, yet in my dream, he looked so healthy and happy. He wasn't reclined in a chair, or unable to walk without assistance, or barely able to speak. He was happy and vibrant and standing proudly beside my grandma. I wanted to reach them and hug them both, but I was only able to get to my grandma and hug her. Before I could touch grandpa and tell him how much I miss him, I woke up.

I don't know what my dream meant, it didn't make much sense at all. What I do know is that I woke up this morning with an ache in my chest, knowing that I'll never again see my grandpa alive. I wish I could have reached him before the dream ended, if nothing else than to tell him one more time how much I love him.

The Query Process

2010-01-06T11:37:00.000-08:00

When I finished writing my novel, it never occured to me that the next step in publication would be so much more challenging. In a perfect world, writing a manuscript would be the hard part. Turns out, the writing is actually the easy part, especially when the story is playing out in your mind and the characters are as real as the people standing beside you in line at Target. In reality, the publishing aspect is so challenging, and involves more research, time, and prayers than the writing did. I've literally spent months researching, have rewritten my query dozens of times, and am currently tweaking it again before sending it out to agents. I know it isn't perfect, nor will it ever be, but with the odds of having an agent request the manuscript being about 1-2%...it'd better be the closest thing to perfect since Jennifer Aniston's haircut in the second season of FRIENDS.

That said, I thought it'd be helpful to write a terrible query letter and post it to my blog. Just to get all of the kinks out...terrible habits and faux pas. Here goes...

Dear Agent, (Sent out in mass email to no one in particular.)
Hello? Instant delete.

I would like to introduce you to my fiction novel (all novels are fiction), Happily Ever After (wow you might as well name it Once Upon A Time). The manuscript is only about 25% complete. (Yeah, no agent will read an incomplete manuscript, unless you are perhaps, J.K. Rowling.) It doesn't fit into any genre category, (every novel needs a genre), but is a mass market for horror, young adult, romance, science fiction, fantasy, and erotica. (Huh????)

Once upon a time, Cinderella lived with her wicked stepmother. She was so sad all of the time and her sisters were beyond mean to her. When they wanted there (wow, mistaking their with there) breakfast, they were so totally beyond rude to her. She was sad, angry and depressed...kind of like Bella in The Twilight Series, but without the vampires and werewolves. She knew the road less traveled would be rough, but she would be okay because the grass is always greener on the other side. (Cliche, cliche, cliche...you might as well title this, The Kiss of Death.)

I really think this would be your bestselling novel since, the last big one you sold. Also, you're in luck because it's been rejected already by sixty seven people, so that's a sign that it was meant to go to you and anyone else on this mass email. (Is any agent still reading this?)

I would thank you, but you should be thanking me for this awesome book I sent you. (Seriously?) If I don't hear from you, I'll call your office twenty times a day until you call me back, and I'll also stalk you on Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace. (Don't call an agent unless specifically asked to! Restraining orders were created for a reason.)

Later,
Me
No contact information and Later?!?!

Okay, so that query letter would be instantly deleted, never answered, form letter rejected, or shared as "you'll never guess what ended up in my inbox this morning?"

Here's hoping my "real" query letter sounds a bit better...

My New Title

2010-01-05T13:32:00.000-08:00

As of today, after many years of hard work, months of paperwork, and much anticipation- I am "officially" the wife of an Army Major. Let me just say how incredibly proud I am of my husband. He's not only served two tours in Iraq, but has been called out for countless State missions including; the Salt Lake City Olympics, Seattle WTO Riots of 1999, and flood duty, among others. He is an amazing soldier, a compassionate leader, and most of all, a wonderful husband and father.

Gluten-Free Dining...Spreading the Word

2010-01-02T11:27:00.000-08:00

Today I googled myself and came across a website noting an article I wrote which was published on Celiac.com. The article was titled Gluten-Free Dining, and it was also published in The Journal of Gluten Sensitivity. I was pleasantly surprised to see it had also been noted on The Gluten Free Network.

That's the funny thing about googling yourself. No, I am not the Melissa Blanco who is a professional ballroom dancer, although how cool would that be? I unfortunately embarrass my family at wedding receptions because I am a terrible dancer. Likewise, I am not the Melissa Blanco who is an in-house writer for Tequila.com. I know nothing about tequila aside from the fact that it is in margaritas and I got seriously ill after a fun night of drinking it a long time ago.

Here's the link to the link of my article. Or you could always just go to Celiac.com.

http://glutenfreenetwork.com/articles-and-news/gluten-free-dining-in-a-chain-restaurant/

I Have A Dream

2009-12-31T19:15:00.000-08:00

I have a dream...
That someday I will live close to my family- on the same street- would be fine.
To be able to attend all of my younger sister's basketball games and my niece and nephew's birthday parties.
That cancer will be 100% curable.
For the opportunity to continue writing what interests me and what I believe in, and that someone else will want to read it.
For a magic pill which combats food allergies and intolerances.
For my mom not to feel guilty for being unable to help me out when my children are sick.
To live next door to my sister so when my husband is deployed, we can go for daily walks and coffee breaks.
To be around whenever my grandma needs a ride to the grocery store or a person to chat with.

Here's to fresh start, a New Year, and the hope that dreams may come true.

A Very Long Night

2009-12-30T14:11:00.000-08:00

Yesterday evening, after tucking Maddie and Peyton into bed, I decided to order the movie, My Sister's Keeper. It's a movie based on a book, with the same title, written by Jodi Picoult. The novel is my favorite of hers and although I'd heard some mixed reviews, especially pertaining to the changed ending, I thought I'd give it a chance. Obviously I cried, I mean c'mon, it's a book about childhood cancer. Plus, having lost my uncle to cancer just last summer, followed by my grandpa to renal failure within a two week period, I'm still grieving. No, I didn't like to movie as much as I enjoyed reading the novel. Yet, I believe it was still worth watching. My husband watched with me, along with our two-year-old, who has been sick.

This was my primary mistake- watching a movie about a very ill child while my own child was sick. By the time we tucked her into our bed, between us because she was coughing and feverish, I was reluctant to even fall asleep for fear that Allison would worsen during the night. Unfortunately, that is what happened.
12:00 am...Allison's fever is at 101.5 and her cough started to sound like a bark.
12:30 am...First conversation with my husband over whether we should take her to the ER.
12:35 am...Second conversation about the ER.
12:40 am...Breathing sounding raspier, she continued to cough and was extremely restless.
12:45 am...Third conversation.
12:50 am...Did a barking seal enter my bedroom? Nope, that would be Allison.
1:00 am...Scenes from My Sister's Keeper entered my mind, making my imagination of what could be wrong with my baby go into overdrive.
1:10 am...We were officially on our way to the hospital. Chris stayed home with the other kids, who were obviously sleeping.
1:40 am...Arrived at Mary Bridge Children's Hospital.
1:45 am...Checked in and was put in a triage room.
2:00 am...Was moved to an exam room by a medical aid who said, "this girl definately has the croup.
2:15 am...Two nurses and myself had to physically restrain Ally so she could be given a dose of tylenol. Her temp was now 103.
2:30 am...Ally and I were left to wait for the doctor. I haven't been that physically tired since I was nursing a newborn.
3:00 am...After texting Chris again that the doctor still hadn't come in, the doctor walked in and confirmed that Ally has croup. He prescribed a steroid and told me to take her to her pediatrician later today.
3:15 am...Two nurses and I had to restrain Ally in order to give her a dose of an oral steroid.
3:30 am...One very tired toddler and an exhausted mom headed out of the emergency room and made the thirty minute drive home.
4:00 am...Chris greeted us at the door and we all collapsed into bed. Ally was breathing normally again and we all slept soundly for a few hours.

I am again reminded of how fortunate I am to have healthy children and thankful that Allison is feeling better. I am also glad we recently donate to St. Jude's Hospital, and hopeful that one day childhood cancer will be a distant memory.

What I Love About Christmas...

2009-12-22T19:16:00.000-08:00

The countdown is officially on...Christmas is just three short days away. The stockings are hung, the kids are beside themselves with anticipation, the presents are wrapped, and the baking will commence tomorrow. I love the holiday season- everything from the handmade preschool ornaments, to the lights around the neighborhood, to the innocent letters to Santa. I look forward to being woken up at dawn to the screams of excited children scoping out what Santa brought them. I love seeing the exhausted look on my husbands face, as he makes a pot of coffee, while telling the kids "in just five minutes you can open your gifts."

On Christmas Eve, I will watch my daughter sing with the Children's Choir at mass. All of the little kids will be wearing their Christmas best, and the mass will last about fifteen minutes beyond the breaking point of any toddler. Yet, it is the one day of the year when we can truly tell that toddler to, "calm down because Santa is coming tonight." I look forward to driving to the Eastern side of the state to see my family. Perhaps we'll do a puzzle, or play a game, or argue over whose turn it is to wash the dinner dishes. Either way, we'll be together and that's what Christmas is all about.

After School Activities

2009-12-18T18:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Chris actually said, "Wow...the kids have gymnastics and swimming on Thursdays too? I thought just on Tuesdays. That's a lot of work." Yes, my husband is such a sweet, loving, completely clueless man.

Here's a rundown of the activities they are in...
Maddie-
Gymnastics
Choir
Faith Formation Class
Science Club

Peyton-
Swimming
Cub Scouts
Faith Formation
Science Club

Allison-
Toddler Gym or Toddler Swimming Lessons
Potty Training

Actually, our activities are less this year, as Maddie has given up Girl Scouts and Peyton no longer pretends to sing in the Church Choir- although I still have to take Maddie there, so it doesn't really matter anyway.

The good news...they love it all. Maddie moved up to the Intermediate level in gymnastics yesterday. We're talking, the real gymnastics, too. Not like when I was a kid with a rickety old swing set as my uneven bars, a sleeping bag for my floor mat, and a two by four propped up between two garbage cans as my balance beam. Peyton moved up a level in swimming also. He told his swim instructor that he didn't want to move up because for Peyton, change is very very bad. By today, he was talking nonstop about how he is no longer a polliwog, but a guppy now. Ally woke up with a dry pull up on this morning...yay, for potty training.

Only one dilemma remains...not one of my kids has shown any interest in playing basketball. I know they're young and there is still time, but seriously c'mon...basketball's the best.

Taking the High Road

2009-12-16T16:42:00.000-08:00

I write for a website occasionally and recently published an article which was received well by some, and poorly by another. The subject matter was about a very personal experience in my life...religion. Yes, I know writing about religion or politics is always bound to ruffle a few feathers, but that was not my intent when writing this piece. Today I received a fairly brash and confrontational comment to this article. At first I was taken back, then of course my feelings were hurt.

That's the thing about writing- not everyone agrees with you. I suppose you could compare it to being a teacher who works hours upon hours both with her class and preparing for her class. Yet, it just takes one dissatisfied parent to make work that more challenging...even though you truly love your job. Even when you write with the best of intentions, people misinterpret your message or flat out disagree.

I could choose to reply to this comment or write a response explaining my thoughts, but I think I'm going to take the high road on this one. I'm not going to justify myself or get into a back and forth debate with a person who appears to be much more confrontational than I am. After all, I'm a part-time writer and a full-time mom. I don't get paid enough to be bullied.

Pet Ownership

2009-12-15T11:04:00.001-08:00

My favorite The Cosby Show episode is the one where Rudy's fish dies and Cliff insists on holding a funeral for Lamonte...I believe his name was...in the bathroom. He makes all of the kids wear funeral attire and eulogizes the fish beside the toilet bowl. I still laugh when I think of Vanessa muttering, as she rolls her eyes, "he's talking to the f-i-sh."

I haven't had a lot of luck in the past with pets, which is perhaps why I thought that episode was so funny. My dog, Macy, will turn four on Christmas, and for that I am grateful. I am also extremely happy that she is fully past the puppy stage, and her annoying habits have become much less annoying. Aside from her, I've been nervous to own pets or allow my kids to have them. When I was a kid, I owned two parakeets. They both died. It was extremely sad for me; yet sadly also a bit of a relief because I no longer had to beg my mom to clean their cage for me, or hear them chirping beneath a draped blanket in the middle of the night. My brother owned gerbils, who also died. Every fish we've ever owned didn't last long- even the goldfish I placed in my classroom, while working for the YMCA, slowly began floating at the top of the bowl. Once, when subbing, I walking into the classroom one morning to find the pet guinea pig no longer breathing. Since I'd just arrived, I can safely assume its passing was not my fault.

Therefore, you can imagine my trepidation when Maddie asked for a fish, for her ninth birthday. Initially I told her no, but her Dad felt she was ready for this responsibility and talked me into buying her a betta fish. The day she came home from the pet store with her cute little blue betta fish and all the accessories that go along with it, she was so excited. She's also proved to be a good little pet owner, making sure to feed her fish, Aslan, every morning and evening. I have to say, Aslan is a pretty cool little guy...or girl, I can't tell. He swims around beneath his plant and fluffs out his fins when he gets spooked. Betta fish are really territorial, so two can't be placed in the same tank or they will essentially fight to the death.

Amazingly, we've owned Aslan for two months now, and as I was cleaning his little tank this morning, I began thinking of what a great fish he is. I'm hoping he sticks around with us for awhile longer. Yet, when the time comes- we will not be giving him a toilet side funeral...rather, a quiet memorial, because that's what Aslan likes...peace and quiet.

Go Gonzaga...G-O-N-Z-A-G-A

2009-12-13T14:55:00.000-08:00

Chris and I were able to watch the Zags play yesterday as part of the Battle in Seattle. Our seats were technically in the nosebleed section, but we had a full view of the court. This was our first game in several years- well, the first game we've watched in person and not on ESPN.

While we were there, Chris decided to make note of all of the "greats" we've had the opportunity to watch. By greats, I am referring to the star players of the team. There was John Rillie, Matt Santangelo, Richie Frahm, Casey Cavalry, Dan Dickau, Blake Stepp, Adam Morrison, Ronny Turiaf, Derek Raivio, Josh Heytvelt, and Jeremy Pargo. This years team leader...Matt Bouldin was out yesterday due to injury. Austin Daye jumped ship at the end of last season to enter the draft. Let's not forget those who made Gonzaga basketball great...Frank Burgess and John Stockton.

Chris and I will continue to follow Gonzaga basketball- both as die hard fans and proud alumni. We look forward to another NCAA tournament bid.

Preschool Television

2009-12-10T13:11:00.001-08:00

It is official, Madison and Peyton, have reached the age where they have begun to rationalize that preschool television is unrealistic. Allison, my two-year-old, has not. In fact, she'd watch it all day, if I let her. She adores Dora, sings along with Diego, dances to Little Einsteins, laughs at Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, points to The Backyardigans, answers the questions asked on Blues Clues. She is a magnet for Nick Jr. and Playhouse Disney, begging to turn on the television the moment she wakes up in the morning.

Madison and Peyton, on the other hand, have decided that although entertaining- these shows are not real...at all. These are the comments which can be heard as Ally watches her shows. "How come Dora's parents let her go places with a monkey? And there are no such things as talking maps and backpacks," "Why is Joe asking if we see a clue? It's right in front of him...geesh!" "It's so fake that Diego is able to play with wild animals and only needs a rescue pack to go places. You can totally tell he is related to Dora, because their parents let them do anything," "Mickey Mouse knows the answer to his questions. Why doesn't he just say it instead of waiting for a two-year-old to?" "Mom, there is no way the Backyardigans could have those adventures. It's not real at all."

Luckily, Madison and Peyton haven't lost their imaginations completely. They still play school, dig holes in the backyard looking for lost treasures, and coordinate plays that take hours to rehearse and only minutes to perform. Oh...and Star Wars isn't unrealistic at all...neither are the Transformers. Apparently there are light saber carrying robots maneuvering through our neighborhood on a daily basis.

My only question is this. Why do the Berenstain Bears never change clothes? Further, why are their names Papa, Mama, Brother and Sister? And they live in a tree house. Actually, that's pretty cool.

Off and Running

2009-12-07T10:51:00.000-08:00

I'm back up to running three miles. This is quite a feat for me, considering the knee problem I've been dealing with for the past several months. After a month of ice and anti-inflammatories, an x-ray, an MRI, a cortisone shot, eight weeks of physical therapy, two gait analyses, and custom made orthotics...I am back on the treadmill. What a great feeling it is to get a run in several days a week. I just feel better, and I have yet to find an exercise which gets my blood pumping and endorphins going like running.

I've also switched to New Balance running shoes. The ones I'm currently using are perfect, because they fit my feet really well. Not only do I have small feet, size 5.5, they are also slightly wide. The New Balance shoe fits me quite well and feels great.

Unfortunately, my knee is still hurting a bit...but perhaps with some cross training and strengthening, I'll be back to training soon. I'd really like to run another 1/2 marathon by next summer. Happy Running...